Follow The Knowing
My husband and I recently sold our home, which we had lived in for more than twenty years. We had been preparing for this move for about two years—repeatedly examining and purging books, clothes, furniture, and other things that we have accumulated over time. It was a beautiful house, but it was out in the country, and we had long wanted to experience living someplace where we could walk more and drive less. We had done a lot to the house, and we still loved it, but were more than ready for a new adventure.
As it happened, we were finally ready to list the house right as our state was in an early COVID-19 lockdown. We knew the uncertainty would scare many buyers, but that the historically low interest rates would encourage others. But we were ready, so we decided to move forward. It took almost six months to attract the right buyer. And even then, things did not go smoothly. So much was up in the air. The banks have been jammed with people wanting to borrow money, so getting the paperwork through was very difficult. I did not like that at all! My mind wanted certainty—I wanted that piece of paper from the bank, saying the buyers were qualified and could get the loan. I didn’t get it. But we had to move forward—look for our new place to live, schedule movers, pack up a lifetime’s worth of treasures. I had to act as if it was all going to work out, according to plan, or I wouldn’t be ready when I needed to be. The funny thing is, even as I was having anxious thoughts about things not working out, I really felt all along that it was going to be OK. And the pieces seemed to be coming together. We found the perfect new place and put down a deposit. And then, it looked like the deal on our home was going to fall apart, and we were going to be stuck with a new place to rent while we were still in our home, looking for a new buyer. I certainly felt that stress, and yet that undercurrent of knowing was still there, and kept me moving forward. I just knew that it was time to leave the house, and felt that, despite the problems, it was going to work out. One day I said to my husband, “I can’t believe we’ve come this far, and we might have to start over. And we found that apartment that I just love. I really feel like that’s where we were meant to be.” “Me too,” he said.
And that’s what kept us going—that sense of knowing—certainty, in the face of so much uncertainty. There were additional twists and turns, but in the end, we closed on our home very close to the original timeframe that we had envisioned. All because we kept moving forward, following our knowing, even when it didn’t seem like it was going to work out.
Looking back, I can see that arc of this whole experience was actually a straight line, bringing us to the place where we both feel we were meant to be. If I had allowed uncertainty—fear that things wouldn’t work out exactly as I envisioned—to get in the way, we would have missed out on this wonderful new home, because by the time the bank got its act together and gave me the solid assurance that I craved, there were no units left available. We would have missed this wonderful opportunity. So, we were brought directly to what we wanted, and all the rest was just noise, just fear—fear that I would not be supported by The Universe in what I felt was the right, next move in my life. It was a beautiful lesson that left me feeling powerful, actually. To be able to live with those fear-based thoughts, and yet keep moving toward what I desire—what felt so right—represents a huge shift for me. The mind often tells us things that aren’t real. But being in touch with my knowing allowed me to connect with the truth that The Universe has my back, and that I will always be able to access whatever I need.